Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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