i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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