She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
