I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
