By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
