i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am one with the molecules
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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