1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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