hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
