Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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