His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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