And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
