highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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