I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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