Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
please come you make the beer taste better
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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