So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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