Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
