My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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