i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
