that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
