Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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