He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize