You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
