Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
