ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
