Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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