yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
