AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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