Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sobbing to NWA
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
