i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
