I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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