Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
