we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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