i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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