hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize