today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
