I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
