I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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