Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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