Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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