She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
