I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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