Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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