Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
