I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
