he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
