census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
