And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
