"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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