he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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