six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize