i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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