I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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