More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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