i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize