i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
