I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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