I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
